I’ve seen the posters for the Mink Viking photoshoot experience all over the tourist streets of Reykjavik for years but I’ve never really fancied doing it. For a start, it’s expensive and for another, it’s silly. Dress up as a Viking and have photos taken? Who’d want to do that?
Turns out I want to do that.
It works out at about £95 per person, which is a lot for a holiday souvenir but it’s not all that much when you consider that you’re getting the personal attention of a professional photographer and the services of a specialist studio and a ton of costumes and props for an hour. The only local photographer I’ve found who’s relatively open about their prices charges £299 for a 1-2 hour shoot where it seems that although they edit 20-30 pictures, you only actually get 5 photos at the end. To jump ahead slightly, I ended up with 50-something photos.
So there I was sitting on Laugavegur, Reykjavik’s main tourist high street at 9.30 in the morning. The instructions are to come on time, not half an hour early, because it’s a small studio and no one wants a stranger watching their shoot, so I sat on a bench outside. Now, I think I was the first client of the day because having found the door, it was closed and no one answered when I knocked. When photographer Ryan came down, the door was left open which would have made it easier for the next person. It’s a handful of high steps up to the door and then a set of winding wooden stairs to the actual studio – the website says “ask ahead if assistance is needed” but if you have any kind of mobility issues, you’re going to struggle and I don’t see any way of getting a wheelchair up there. If you want to do the photoshoot and that applies to you, maybe see what they have to say but that’s what struck me.
Upstairs, your photographer – and I’m pretty sure there are at least two and maybe even three who take turns – chats to you about your experiences in Iceland and why you want Viking photos and so on, which kind of feels like you’re at a job interview but I think it’s really so it’s less obvious they’re sizing you up and deciding which costumes to offer. I think if I’d had any vision clearer than “I want to be a Viking!” he’d have tried to accommodate it but I didn’t. I kind of wish I’d requested one of the red dresses or tunics but when you look through the gallery, they do lean towards the more natural, earthy tones. For me, Ryan suggested two of the tweedy herringbone dresses. You go into a corner of the room boarded off, with a toilet and sink, and take off whatever you’re wearing on your top half but because the photos are mostly just the top half, you actually keep your own trousers and shoes on. Try not to picture me standing there in sandals with silver toenails sticking out from under this outfit.
So I put on the nice textured tunic with the yellow bodice, which was much prettier than the one without and fitted better. I’m not sure Vikings wore tweed but you don’t get to see a lot of it and I’m even more sure that Vikings didn’t wear chainmail but if you look through their gallery, almost all the men who do this end up in the chainmail. It was offered but it’s heavy and I declined. Then Ryan takes a look through the accessories and piles it on in a way that reminds me of dressing up in three skirts and a hat to dance the flamenco in Carmen in 1998. He added a sort of fur collar, then took it off and replaced it with a cape – I love a cape, I’m never going to say no to a cape – and added the fur back on top. I had two necklaces, I had a sort of purse tied round my waist and another belt-thing and then I had a set of really stiff leather bracers. Add a couple of rings and I’m about done. I wear my hair in vaguely Viking-esque plaits anyway but I’d invested in a length of leather cord to tie them up rather than using modern red elastic bands.
Then I stand against the backdrop and we start taking photos! I’m really bad at having my photo taken – I have no idea how to pose or what to do with my face but Ryan made it pretty easy. Look here, look there, look tough. Can you do a silent or not silent Viking roar? And like an angry cat? First I held a sword. I’m not a big fan of these photos because swords are not meant to be held by the blade and the fact that it was about as sharp as a spoon doesn’t change the fact that I’m holding the sword by the blade and that looks ridiculous!
Then we added a shield and now I could hold the sword in the conventional way. The sword is fairly heavy. It may be blunt but it’s a real weapon made by a real swordmaster and it’s not exactly a flimsy wobbly plastic foil like the kind I teach fencing with. But the shield – oh, that weighs a ton! If I look slightly pained in the shield photos, it’s the effort of holding that up one-handed.
Then we moved onto the bow and this is when I got awkward. He handed me a recurve bow and I said something like “I don’t want to be nitpicky with the history but Vikings didn’t use recurve bows”. You know that look Emily in Paris gives anyone who speaks French to her? Sort of politely completely vacant? Ryan gave me that look. “Recurve bows. Vikings didn’t use…” The look is continuing. “They didn’t use this sort of bow. They used longbows”. And so a longbow was produced. It’s far too long for me and when I pulled it back, it’s far too heavy. I teach with recurves, 16-18lbs, and I reckon this longbow was a minimum of 24lbs, more likely 28. You can’t tell in the photos, but my bow arm is completely bent because I can’t physically hold it out correctly and pull back the string. Now, I like some of these photos but I was struggling with the arrows. The one with red feathers had a very worn nock that wasn’t staying on the string and although the green one was a lot better, it also wasn’t quite working properly – and the reason for that, I realised much later, was because I had the arrow on the wrong side of the bow! The arrow is meant to go on the inside, using your fingers as the rest, not on the outside resting on your thumb. No wonder it kept falling off! I’m the expert enough to insist on the correct bow but not expert enough to put the arrow in the right place! On the other hand, at least the draw hand is in the right place. I’ve looked through the gallery on their website and on Instagram and looked at every single one of the archery photos and gone “How do you expect to aim the arrow if you’re holding it over there??”.
Next, a handful of weapons to just be held, including an upside down halberd, a handful of arrows and a bow. I soon learned that I really prefer the roaring pictures and we didn’t do any roars with the handful of weapons. For authenticity, I’ve taken off my glasses so I have no real idea how many weapons there are on the wall behind me and I’m not used to my face without glasses, especially when it’s trying to look serious.
Then it was axe time. Ryan showed me a selection of axes and of course I wanted the biggest one! It also weighs a ton but because the weight is only at one end, it feels a bit more balanced. I don’t know if I could fight with it but I can pose with it! To be honest, of all the weapons I’ve had so far, this feels the most like the one I could actually use in a battle.
Then we got out two axes. Smaller ones, hatchets, and I held them crossed and look serious and then raised one as if to charge with it. That’s one of the ones I like, the “roar with hatchets” one. Correction, these are the weapons I could best deploy in a fight. I’d probably end up throwing them, which is a great way to end up in a fight with no weapon but they’re light enough to swing around and heavy enough to do a bit of damage. Come to that, all of these weapons could have been used to do quite a bit of damage right there in the studio, blunt edge and all. I mean, an axe even with a blunt edge is still a heavy bit of iron on the end of a heavy bit of wood. The sword is still a large heavy bit of steel. Pulling the bowstring back with an arrow on it feels very unnatural when there’s someone standing in front of you but at that range and with how far I was able to pull the string back, it was probably the least dangerous weapon of them all.
We got out a big knife next – or a short sword. This is what you’d give a hobbit if he turned up in need of a weapon. No proper battle posing with this one, just holding it up in front of me and trying to look like I could shove it through your ribs if I needed to.
Then we did what I’m calling the goddess pose, where I held a sheep’s skull up in front of me and closed my eyes. I’m not entirely sure whether actual Vikings would spend a lot of time holding old animal bones up but I like the end result more than I thought I would.
And last, we looked around the studio for anything we’d missed – or Ryan did. I had no glasses on. Helmet! I haven’t worn a helmet yet! Again, the helmet is heavier than it looks. It balances fine as long as I stay nice and upright but had I bent forward, that thing would have fallen straight off, taken my nose with it and clanged on the floor like a cartoon character dropping an anvil. I would make a bad Viking! We added a mid-size axe for these ones, big enough to look pretty impressive but feather-like compared to the giant axe I’d started with.
And then I peeled off my Viking layers and changed out of the yellow herringbone tunic and back into my red t-shirt while Ryan imported the images from his camera. We’d been talking throughout – about Vikings, about Iceland, about parallels between old Norse and modern Icelandic, about weapons, about the ones I’m already experienced in handling and he’d made it all feel very easy and comfortable. I had had a moment of “what am I doing??” as I stood outside but it went very well. I felt like a warrior! A weak and useless warrior who can’t really hold up most of the weapons but a warrioer nonetheless! I knew I had a lot piled onto me but I couldn’t really see any of it at the time so I’m quite impressed with the results.
Ah, the results. The photoshoot was 10-11am and at 11:48, I received all 54 images by a download link. No messing around with “Oh, you’ll get them within a month and you have to pick five and pay extra for them”. Nope, got the lot. I can put them on social media, get them printed, I could have had Mink print them and deliver them to my accommodation or get them printed on the shiny metallic paper.
They were the first pictures I put on Instagram and although I haven’t done it yet – haven’t had the time! – I’m probably going to pick a favourite to use as my profile picture for a little while. I’m very glad I did it, I love the pop of the bright mustard-yellow against the Viking background and it turns out I make a better Viking – or at least look like it – than I’d ever imagined!
I Am A Polar Bear 