We come to one of the most-asked questions on the subject of solo female travel: will I get lonely? And honestly, the answer is that you might. Let’s talk about loneliness.
Now, you might be the kind of person who does very well on your own. I’m definitely the solitary type and my trips are pretty short so I don’t have long enough to get homesick and I don’t really feel the need to make new friends. And that’s fine. Don’t feel guilty if you’re genuinely happy being by yourself.
But if you are concerned about being lonely…
There are two groups of people to talk about here. The first is all the people you’re leaving behind when you go travelling – your family, your friends, your acquaintances, your colleagues, your classmates and all the people in your ordinary life back home. You’re probably not going to see them while you’re away. The second is all the new friends you make along the way. These people will come in and out of your life. Some will serve a purpose – someone to hang out with in a particular place, someone to sit with on a day trip – and some will become long-term close friends. While you’re missing the first group, the second group can definitely help fill that hole in your soul.
When it comes to missing people from home, you can still keep in touch really easily these days. In the last three years, we’ve really seen and really got to grips with keeping relationships going remotely. You can video call, you can send messages all hours of the day and night, regardless of time zones, you can follow each other on social media. If you’re in one place long enough, you might even be able to send things in the post. I remember when that was your only option. Somewhere, I have a box with the handful of letters Vicky sent me from Australia, back before email or social media was a thing. I mean, email was a thing but seventeen-year-olds didn’t make much use of it. When I lived in Switzerland, Skype was just becoming a thing. I had a webcam on a wire that I remember holding up and my grandmother, who had Alzheimers, was completely bewildered at how she could hear me and partake in a conversation when I wasn’t even in the country. Now we’re all masters of Zoom and Facetime and WhatsApp video calls.
It’s not the same as seeing them in person, I know. But travelling is an amazing time in your life and your family and friends will be waiting for you when you get back and you’ll appreciate them twice as much. Try to keep that in mind. Take photos for them, gather small souvenirs and bits and pieces for them and enjoy what you’ve got while you’ve got it.
While you’re missing them, you can make new friends! You might think you’re not the sort of person who makes new friends. You might not need them. My longest trip to date, apart from my year abroad, was my 20-day trip to Russia in 2019. Well, I guess there was also that year I spent living in Switzerland. I don’t think of that as travel, usually. I’m not away long enough to get lonely or to need to seek out friendships and anyway, my days are usually so full it doesn’t occur to me to be lonely. But if you’re going to be away for longer – a month or three or six or a year – maybe you do want to make friends or to have people around you. In that case, especially if you find it difficult to do, put yourself in situations where it’s more likely to happen organically. Book a dorm room in a hostel instead of your own quiet hotel room. You don’t even have to make the first move – just don’t look actively hostile and someone will strike up a conversation with you sooner or later. Ask if they have any suggestions for somewhere to eat or drink and ask if they want to come with you. There’s nothing like a meal or a round of drinks to break the ice with new friends.
Or do a group tour. I’ve talked about group tours in this series before. They’re really good for people who want to travel solo but not be alone. You’ll be with these people for the duration of the trip. Like it or not, you will get close to them. You’ll travel with them, you’ll do activities with them, you’ll eat with them, you might sleep with them (not like that!) and small talk will turn to bigger talk and then you’ll realise you’ve spilled your deepest secrets to them and they’re either going to become a best friend for life or you’re never going to see them again and either way, that makes them a good person to have those deepest secrets. Your tour guide or group leader is there to make sure you’re having a good time so if you’re finding it difficult to approach or befriend the rest of the group, stick close to the leader and they’ll sort you out.
Your new friends will end up falling into two categories. Some of them will become lifelong friends – you’ll keep in touch with them, you’ll meet up whenever you’re in the same country, you’ll end up going to each other’s weddings and you’ll bless that impulse to travel that brought you a great friend. Or you’ll enjoy their company while you’re with them and then never think about them again. That’s fine too. It’s not sustainable to be BFFs with everyone you ever meet in your life. Maybe add them on social media so you’ve always got some contact in case you ever find yourself thinking “We had such a good time together on that trip. I wonder what they’re doing now. I wish we’d kept in touch.” I’m still (I think) Facebook friends with someone I sat next to on a bus in Iceland in 2012. I don’t even remember what trip that was. Westman Islands? Ice-climbing & glacier boat?
Lastly, it’s ok to be lonely. It’s ok to miss people. Take some time to do that if you need to. It’s better to have one day when you just cry and wail from loneliness than spending the entire trip with it bubbling just beneath the surface and making you permanently miserable. When you’ve had it out for long enough, use technology to get in touch, go and get your new friends and go back to enjoying your travels again. You’re on an adventure!