Why doesn’t anyone go to Parc Asterix?

And after the usual end of year/beginning of year blogs, I’m back on the last trip of last year, my weekend at Parc Asterix. If I didn’t mention it in my post about their Gallic Christmas event, part – most – of the reason I went was that I saw one too many people on Instagram and/or YouTube prancing off to Disneyland Paris, went “why doesn’t anyone go to Parc Asterix??” and in the same breath decided I would be the one who went to Parc Asterix. Not a bad decision, actually, it turns out. But I was still contemplating the same question as I flew home and I think I’m beginning to realise what the answers are.

Number one, Asterix isn’t a beloved IP outside France

That’s the biggest reason, I think. No one loves Asterix the way people love Disney. Very few non-French speakers have these hardback comic albums as an integral part of their childhood and adolescence. There are no massive-budget summer blockbuster award-winning Asterix movies with matching catchy award-winning songs. Asterix just isn’t baked into pop culture in the same way. That’s all there is to it. Two theme parks, one overlaid with a thick veneer of princesses and mice and ~*nostalgia*~ and one just… not.

A selfie with a miniature Asterix statue and a background of Asterix comic panels.

You can’t just casually drop in whenever you happen to be in Paris

Two things at play here. First, while Disney is open all day every day, Parc Asterix is closed for large chunks of the year. It’s open most of the summer but beyond that, it’s two weeks at Halloween and two weeks at Christmas and that’s it. The second is that it’s not so easy to get to. Disney is on the Eurostar line – admittedly, coming from London, I think you have to change at Lille these days but nonetheless, the Eurostar will deliver you to Disney’s very door. Or if you’re in Paris, it’s a straight run on the RER, the light commuter rail network. Step on in central Paris, step off at Disney. But for Parc Asterix, you have to get yourself out to Charles de Gaulle airport and then queue for the shuttle bus, which doesn’t really advertise its timetable. Shuttles are inherently more friction than just stepping on and off a train and I’ve decided against spontaneous trips to Parc Asterix in the past because it’s just too much of a pain to get to.

The Parc Asterix shuttle bus parked at Roissypole at Charles de Gaulle airport.

It’s very French

Now, it’s not unreasonable for a theme park in Paris based on a French comic series to operate in French. Disney does it too. But Disney knows it’s got a sizeable international clientele and everything is perfectly navigable even if you don’t speak a word of French. You can get by in English at Parc Asterix too but it’s harder – every sign, every announcement, every show: every word is in French. Even the park’s app, which you can put into English, is still at least 50% in French. A woman leaving the park about 5pm gave me her leftover 30% off coupons and it took three members of staff to find one who spoke enough English to explain that you can only use them with a valid annual pass.

It’s not very big

I know I skipped all the big ticket rides but over my weekend, I did everything I wanted and more. If you had just the one day, you might feel like you missed a few things but Parc Asterix isn’t like Disney – it’s one fairly small park that probably won’t make you feel like you need to come back time and time again. It’s done. Why make all the effort to get to Paris and get the shuttle bus just for such a small park?

Via Antiqua, the main street at the entrance to Parc Asterix.

You can’t buy multi-day tickets

I spend a lot of time on the Disneyland Paris website for someone who just isn’t a fan and so it astounded me when the only tickets I could buy for Parc Asterix were either single days (dated or undated) or annual passes. No two-day ticket? And worse, you can’t seem to buy tickets for different dates in the same transaction. It just assumes you’ve changed your mind and updates whatever’s in your basket instead of adding a second ticket.

It doesn’t have iconic snacks

I know there are plenty of people who go to Disney as much for the atmosphere or the food as the rides. I’ve seen the Mickey-shaped waffles and pizzas, the themed restaurants and Parc Asterix just doesn’t have that. Well, the restaurants, cafes and kiosks are themed but the food isn’t particularly and none of it is in relevant shapes. This is definitely a park you come to for the rides.

A restaurant on the edge of the lake, surrounded b a water ride. The restaurant is entirely decorated in giant fruit and vegetables.

It’s a self-perpetuating cycle

You don’t see anyone go to Parc Asterix so you don’t go. No one else sees anyone go so they don’t go. Hardly anyone outside France even seems to know it exists, except dedicated theme park channels. There are no well-known spots where you have to take a picture so you don’t see any pictures. And so no one goes!

And you should! Sure, it’s a bit more of a mystery who everyone is and what they do (but how many Gen Z or Alpha have ever actually seen Mickey Mouse on a screen?) but it’s fun, it’s colourful, it’s got some world class rollercoasters and you get to feel like you’re the only person on Instagram to have discovered a secret. Wins all round!